Dealing with the death of a loved one – 5 stages of grief

Dealing with the death of a loved one – 5 stages of grief
Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance -- the five stages of grief.

Dr Sanjoy Mukherjee, psychologist, Be Positive, explains the five stages of grief.

1. Denial and isolation : This is the stage when you have just received the news and are in shock. Wrapping your mind around what has happened and trying to figure out what to do can be emotionally taxing. In this stage, the person can become completely unresponsive or appear to be in a trance. When a person is going through this stage, it helps if the people around are supportive. Be present without compromising on the person’s privacy.

2. Anger: After coming to terms with the full impact of the loss, comes anger.  This is when a person feels lost and alone, which leads to anxiety, fear and depression. Anger can manifest in two ways: a. Guilt — when a person feels that they could have done something to avert the situation or when they feel completely helpless.
b. Grudge: When you feel that the person took the easy route by ‘going’ and leaving you to deal with the aftermath.

3. Bargaining: This is when the grieving person tries to negotiate with God, or with another people, trying to make the pain go away. He might make promises to people or God, saying that he would do things differently if everything goes back to the way it was. In this stage, the grieving person will keep wondering of they could do anything differently or whether there is any way to go back in time.

4. Depression : This is when the person experiences the worst dip. Depression sets in when the person realises fully well that the loss is permanent, and that there is no way to change the situation. This the ‘blues’ when a person feels numb, doesn’t want to interact and wants to be left alone. It is important for the grieving person to reach out and speak to people. Venting out the feelings of depression and loss will help the person cope better. If speaking to a friend or family member is not feasible, it is advisable to speak to a professional. Shutting down completely now can aggravate the person’s mental condition. Not just that, depression can also affect the appetite, libido, sleepcycle, and increase one’s irritation level. ‘I firmly believe that depression is linked to high blood pressureand high blood glucose level,’ says Dr Sanjoy.

5. Acceptance : After going through the plethora of emotions, comes the final stage– acceptance. This is when the person comes to terms with the loss and decides to come out of the grief. This does not mean that the grieving person will become instantly happy. The person will make efforts to move on and start living life more normally. The person will start meeting people and going out and start doing things she enjoyed doing.

The grief will take a while to go away, and the sad memories will keep coming back, but it does get better with time.

Image: Youtube/ Aarambh

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